Letters

Dear Susan:
How do I handle nosey co-workers who ask me personal questions like, “Why have you been calling in sick so much lately?”  I don’t want to talk about my health and family issues to people at work.  I need your help!

It’s best to respond to privacy intrusion with frank honesty, because to some degree, we can all relate the need to keep some issues private. Here are two forms that should work for almost everyone.  

First, the most direct:  “I know you’re asking because you care, but I need to keep this private. I know you understand.”

The second choice implies some external influence:  “I know you care about me, but I’ve been asked to keep this under wraps.  It’s a private matter and I appreciate your understanding.”  This statement makes it less likely that he or she will persist because we’ve just paid them a compliment, inferring that they care and understand, thus making it more likely that the issue will be dropped.

Dear Susan:
The thought of standing up and giving a toast gives me an anxiety attack and some important celebrations (family weddings) are coming up this summer.  I need the Cliff’s Notes for how to toast.

Here are two important gaffes you don’t want to make: drinking to yourself when someone is toasting (honoring) you and failing to return a toast that was made to you.  

If you are the guest of honor, never drink or even raise your glass in response to a toast made to you.  A sincere “thank you” and nod of your head will do.

Secondly, if you are the guest of honor and your host honors you with a toast, always return the toast.  This means that somewhere later in the celebration, before dessert for example, you must stand, speak, sip, and sit.  That’s it!  Remember the 4-S’s of Toasting and you’ll succeed in toasting in any situation.  Always stand up and make eye contact with the object of your toast, keep the tribute short and sweet, raise your glass, take a sip, and sit down.  Practice before the event and turn your anxiety into confidence.