Susan's Blog » I’m frequently asked why I devote as much time as I do to teaching, writing, and speaking......

I’m frequently asked why I devote as much time as I do to teaching, writing, and speaking about social skills. Why do manners matter so much to me?

A mentor of mine once told me, “We teach what we most need to learn.” There’s truth in that. I think of myself as a direct person, because I value forthrightness and honesty, but I’ve been known to be blunt to the point of injury. I think of myself as assertive, but I’m aware that some would call me “bossy” (Kathleen Deveny describes us assertive girls beautifully; see http://www.newsweek.com/id/142670.) For a fact, I come from a long line of feisty English/Irish women who worked hard in life to become educated and successful, sometimes with little regard for tact and diplomacy. So my mission, in part, is personal: I’m trying to overcome my maternal genetics and transcend my heritage. But I’ve made manners my professional mission because I see we’re moving, as a global village, toward impatience and intolerance. We’re not taking that essential moment to think before we speak. We’re not considering where the other person might be coming from before we open our mouth to tell her where we’re coming from. We’re reacting before we reflect, often to our detriment. That really worries me, because when we’re routinely incapable of kindness, intolerance takes root—and intolerance is the undoing of civil society.

So my mission is to restore civility by emphasizing ways to be kind. I’m impassioned to help people cultivate the empathy and perspective taking needed to navigate all sorts of tricky social situations, wherever they go and with whomever they meet. I admit that I’m a classic “helper” personality, but bottom line, our civilization needs help—mine, and yours. We’ve got to prioritize communication, compassion, and community if we’re to grow and prosper, both individually and as a species. We’ve got to be good stewards, both of our culture and our planet. We’ve got to be better parents, both of our own children, and the next generation.

The world is becoming ever more complex, with fewer real boundaries and faster communication. As faster technology mashes up our daily interactions, it’s easier than ever to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and maligned. None of us is sure, anymore, of what’s personally expected. We’d like to be kind, not confused; we’d like to be courteous, not indignant. But we need a voice of reason, a source of social guidance, and even a dose of daily inspiration.

I’m aiming to be that voice. I hope you’ll contribute your own. Civil discourse begins with us, right here, right now.